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母が亡くなり本人が生前希望で少人数の密葬に近い葬式をした。参列したがっていた知人は故人の遺志を尊重し来なかったが、喪主である弟の職場関係者がつめかけてきて…

カテゴリ:キチ:他 コメント(8)
289: 名無しさん@おーぷん 2015/10/08(木)17:02:48 ID:D6B

一年以上前になりますが、母が亡くなりました。
本人が生前希望していたのは少人数での密葬に近いもので、新聞のお悔み欄にも載せませんでした。

しかしながら、お通夜の際に弟(喪主)の職場関係者がつめかけてきて、大変な目に遭いました。
また、葬儀に参加した叔父の職場から近所の人に伝わり、葬儀に来られた方もいらっしゃいました。
弟の職場からは二人出席で、それ以外に弔文と花輪もいただきました。





スポンサーリンク






私の友人も母とは面識があったので、参列したがっていましたが故人の遺志を尊重し、来ませんでした。
後に、弟の職場の人たち(200人以上)がお悔みをされたことを話すと「自分もしたかった」と言われました。

いくら弟が喪主でも故人が望まない参列を許すことをどう思われますか?
弟は「自分の人徳」と言っていましたが、こちらが拒否しているのに次から次へと人が来るのはおかしくおありませんか?
それも、自分だけで対応するならともかく、母が望んでその場にいてくださった方に迷惑をかけるのが普通なのでしょうか?

弟の職場はKで市役所に出向していたこともあり、来たのは公務員ばかりです。
公務員って本人の遺志を無視できるほど偉いのでしょうか。

290: 名無しさん@おーぷん 2015/10/08(木)17:08:33 ID:qY5

>>289
公務員は偉いのかじゃなくて「弟は偉いのか」じゃないの?

293: 名無しさん@おーぷん 2015/10/08(木)17:59:30 ID:Q3X

>>289
K公務員でなくても同じ経験があります。
人数は比べものにならないんですが。
祖父の葬儀の際、本人の生前の意向もあって密葬にしましたが、誰が知らせたのか4、5人の方が自宅にいらっしゃいました。
いくら本人の遺志で密葬だとこちらが言っても、その人たちも麻痺してるんですよね。
お世話になってましたから、せめてお焼香だけでも、と。
そちらには「礼儀、義理」「少しの間」でもこっちは亡くなった本人の遺志なんだよ、って腹が立ちましたよ。
本当にお疲れ様でした…。

355: 名無しさん@おーぷん 2015/10/09(金)09:46:05 ID:2ql

>>289
今時、家族だけの密葬なんてよくあること。
それは弟が通夜の時にきちんと告知してなかったんだよ。
葬儀の前には伝えたんじゃない?だから2人しか来なかった。その2人は伝え漏れした人か、弟が許可した人では?
叔父だって、香典はいらないだけだと、ただの香典辞退で参列は可と思うのが普通。

そもそも実母の葬式に関することで「俺の人徳」なんて自ら言うなんて、言い過ぎはわかっていつつもアスペルガーを疑うわ。

私の叔父さんが長く務めた国会議員で、退職後十年たってお亡くなりになったけれど、家族だけの葬式と周囲に必ず伝えたし、新聞記事にも家族だけの葬式と書いたので、誰も押しかけなかったよ。
家にも、葬儀社にも。
葬儀社はそもそも家族以外に知らせてないけれど。

お通夜をどこでやったのか知りませんが、参列を断るならば、そもそもお通夜の場所も教えないのが普通なのに、弟が職場関係者に喋った以外ないでしょ。

371: 289 2015/10/09(金)21:01:43 ID:ctP

>>355
叔父は母が呼んでほしいと言っていましたので、予告もなく来たのは叔父の職場の人から聞いた近所の人です。

291: 289 2015/10/08(木)17:17:52 ID:D6B

一応弟は「母が密葬を希望していたので来ないでほしい」と言ったらしいです。

無視したのは職場の人たちの判断も大きいと思っています。
それについては、叔父の職場の人も同じことが言えるのですが。

故人の権利って公務員や大企業ほど扱いがひどいということが、今回の件で明確になりました。

292: 名無しさん@おーぷん 2015/10/08(木)17:36:49 ID:rOn

>>291
弟さんが言ったのが本当かどうか分かんないね

それより通夜に職場の人間(それも故人と関係ない)が押しかけるような地域ってあるんだ…
そっちにびっくりしたけど、それ自体は普通にあること、珍しくないことなのかな?

294: 名無しさん@おーぷん 2015/10/08(木)18:10:42 ID:foa

>>291
うちは父も叔父×3もみんな公務員だけど
祖父の葬儀は身内だけでやりますって伝えたら、誰も来なかったよ
本当に、弟さんも叔父さんも職場にきちんと伝えたのかな

297: 289 2015/10/08(木)19:10:50 ID:D6B

>>294
参列したご近所さん曰く、叔父の場合は職場への全体通知で「○○さんの身内がなくなりましたが香典等は必要ありません」と言われ、別の近所の人が同じ職場だったのでそこから情報が漏れたと言っていました。
守秘義務は何処に行ったのでしょうか。
甚だ疑問です。

301: 名無しさん@おーぷん 2015/10/08(木)20:15:38 ID:oAn

公務員ってそうなんだねー。
私も家族葬。身内以外は故人と親しくしてた友人のみっていう葬儀だったはずなのに団体の公務員(喪主同僚)が来てたところに遭遇したことはある。
その場合は密葬ではなかったからもうちょい寛容だったんだろうけどね。喪主はお断りしていたらしいけど。

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